Jim: He is always truthful about my sobriety, sex appeal, good works, saintliness and such. It would appear then that Mr Harrison takes, shall we say, literary licence with your biography? SFX : A few questions more, as soon as the bleeding stops. SFX : (Hoarsely) You are indeed a law-abiding man of peace who would never resort to violence. (There is a gap in the recording here of some minutes while the SFX interviewer was bandaged and given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.) SFX : But in A Stainless Steel Rat Is Born, you detail just how and why you began a lifetime of crime. SFX : Then all the novels about your adventurous life are not novels at all, but true stories? Plus, you will remember, I can travel through time with Professor Coypu’s Time Helix. Jim: True friendship laughs at time and distance. SFX : You are? Even though you were born many thousands of years after him? I would say that ours is a relationship of mutual respect. Jim: I have no idea how Holmes-Watson got along with Boswell-Johnson since I have never heard of either of these hyphenated gentlemen. SFX : Just what is your rapport with Mr Harrison? Is it a Holmes-Watson, Boswell-Johnson relationship? A moving chronicle written by that much-admired author, Harry Harrison. If you want more details, read The Stainless Steel Rat Goes To Hell. SFX : (Voice trembles) I understand that you have recently been to Hell. Speak quickly and clearly because you only have 12 seconds to live.
As a defender of law and order and a man who has saved the galaxy more than once, do you have a criminal record? SFX : Would you describe yourself as a criminal?
When he crawls up again, his voice has changed. (The SFX reporter drinks deep, screams shrilly and falls, writhing among the fag ends. (A glass of purple beverage is passed across the table.) Antarean Pantherpiss.
Jim: Shake your head and you’ll find out. SFX : G-gurgle! That is not a real knife you have pressed to my throat? The meeting was arranged for midnight in a very low bar in Whitechapel. Through a circumstance that is a little difficult to describe, this much-admired journal recently had the opportunity to interview a Mr diGriz, aka The Stainless Steel Rat, Ratinox, Stalowy Szczur.
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